Origin of the Term Pacing

The term Pacing comes from the English word "pace" – to keep pace – and was originally used in horse training. In athletics, the term "Pacer" is also known. These are the pace-setters who run ahead in the first laps and set a fast pace before they drop out. However, if the field loses touch, that is, if they run too fast, they have not fulfilled their task. Keep this in mind as we move on to the topic in the next lesson Leading coming.

You already know that Pacing in NLP refers to a maintained, as unobtrusive as possible imitation of verbal and/or nonverbal behaviors of the counterpart over a shorter or longer period of time. This often leads – very quickly, sometimes only after a while – to the conversation partner feeling accepted and understood. This is not based on an illusion, rather, the one who applies Pacing can actually understand the other better, as they learn a lot about them both cognitively and emotionally by aligning – they become somewhat similar to them.

Good mirroring leads to a deepened Rapport and creates a special form of sympathy. However, mirroring should not be misunderstood as mimicking. Likewise, one should not mirror physical ailments or nervousness. Pacing only works if one remains congruent – otherwise, one appears unnatural. If one wants to consciously end the rapport, targeted non-pacing (so-called Miss-Matching) can help.

A special form of Pacing – Cross-Pacing

Cross-Pacing means that you mirror nonverbal signals of your conversation partner not with the same, but with different body signals. The common rhythm is important here. You can also mirror the other in a different representational system.

Examples of Cross-Mirroring

For example, you can mirror the up and down movement of your conversation partner's chest while breathing with the up and down of your hand movement. "Cross"-mirroring also works if you pick up the breath or a movement with another body part – for instance, if you slightly move your thumb every time your counterpart scratches their chin. Or you mirror the tone of the conversation with small movements of your toes.

You can also practice mirroring a person's breathing rhythm through your own speaking rhythm The speaking rhythm of this person can in turn be accompanied by a subtle movement of your hand.

Such a method is particularly recommended in the case of an impending asthma attack: The affected person breathes faster and faster. If you were to mirror them directly, you would start to hyperventilate yourself. Therefore, mirror the breathing rhythm in a different system – as described above.

In summary, it can be said: In direct Pacing actual alignment is mirrored, while in indirect mirroring analogous expressions in other channels are used.