How to Build Deep Relationships – and Why They Extend Your Life

In this podcast episode, Stefan Landsiedel and Marian discuss one of life's central themes: relationships. They show why interpersonal connections are not only crucial for happiness and success but also measurably contribute to physical health. Through humorous stories and psychological insights, you will learn how to build genuine rapport, strengthen trust, and communicate empathetically – in coaching, partnerships, and everyday life.

Why Relationships Are Vital

No one is made for loneliness. Relationships give our lives depth, meaning, and structure – they enable closeness, trust, and mutual support. Stefan emphasizes that we all need a network in which we feel connected: with family, friends, neighbors, and colleagues. Good relationships make everyday life easier, create emotional stability, and foster the feeling of being loved. Even small gestures, like a friendly exchange with neighbors, can have a positive long-term effect. Relationships are the bridges over which joy, empathy, and gratitude flow.

What Research Says About Relationships

That good relationships are important is no coincidence – it is scientifically proven. A large meta-analysis from health research shows that social bonds are the most important factor for a long life. Even before nutrition, exercise, or smoking behavior, relationships take the first and second places among the most important influences on health and life expectancy. People who maintain stable connections not only live longer but also happier and healthier. It doesn't matter whether these relationships are familial, friendly, or neighborly – what matters is that we feel seen, understood, and included.

Rapport – The Art of Deep Connection

In NLP, 'Rapport' refers to the ability to build a deep, trusting relationship. This connection arises when people resonate on an emotional level. Stefan describes rapport as a kind of magic that appears when two people truly engage with each other. He shares situations in coaching where he intuitively sensed the emotions of his counterpart and was able to build trust. Rapport is more than sympathy – it is the fine tuning between two people that allows for mutual openness, safety, and understanding.

Similarity Creates Trust

A crucial factor for rapport is similarity. People like others who are similar to them in some way – whether in gestures, voice, interests, or values. Studies even show that we unconsciously prefer people who resemble us in appearance or behavior patterns. Stefan shares a story from his early coaching days, where a teenager only began to trust when he realized they both had the same birthday. This simple example illustrates how even the smallest commonalities can have a strong impact.

Mirroring and Pacing

Rapport can be intentionally built by attuning to the other person – for example, through mirroring (matching) or pacing. It's not about imitation but about conscious perception and resonance. If someone speaks calmly and thoughtfully, it makes sense to become a bit calmer yourself. If someone shares with energy, you can match that pace. This creates a natural harmony in which both feel understood. NLP teaches us to consciously perceive and use these patterns to make communication deeper and more authentic.

Strategies to Consciously Shape Relationships

Relationships do not happen by chance – they can be shaped and deepened. NLP offers many practical tools that promote empathy, mindfulness, and emotional intelligence. Stefan explains that we can learn to truly perceive people, understand their language, and resonate with their emotional state. This conscious attention opens doors for trust and closeness – whether in coaching, in work, or in personal relationships.

Language as a Mirror of the World

A central element is linguistic matching. When you pick up and use the words of your counterpart similarly, it signals understanding. If someone talks about a 'vision,' it helps to use the same word instead of reinterpreting it. It is equally important to pay attention to sensory channels – visual, auditory, or kinesthetic. People who think in images feel understood when you also use vivid terms. This linguistic sensitivity can create closeness and trust even in difficult conversations.

Training Conscious Perception

Empathy begins with perception. Those who observe attentively recognize the subtle signals of the other person – body language, tone of voice, facial expressions. NLP exercises like conscious mirroring or recognizing metaprograms help to interpret these signals. This way, we learn not just to hear but to truly listen. Relationships deepen when we perceive the person behind the words and respect their uniqueness.

Goodwill as an Attitude – The Key to Genuine Relationships

In the end, everything comes back to a simple attitude: goodwill. Stefan emphasizes that every encounter – whether in coaching, in partnerships, or in everyday life – can benefit from a loving fundamental attitude. When you meet others with an open heart, you perceive them more clearly, respond more empathetically, and create connection on a deeper level. Small gestures of kindness, honest words, and genuine attention act like bridges that allow trust and affection to grow. Relationships are not a product of chance but the result of conscious, loving communication – and, as research shows, they are the most valuable gift for a long, fulfilling life.