How can NLP be applied with children?

In this inspiring podcast episode, Stefan and Marian discuss how to playfully and mindfully apply NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) with children – from toddlers to teenagers. They demonstrate through many vivid examples how parents can use NLP techniques such as modeling, metaphors, pacing & leading, or anchoring in family life to resolve fears, promote self-confidence, and connect learning with joy. The focus is primarily on authentic relationships, loving communication, and consciously embodying attitudes that empower children. A valuable conversation for anyone who supports children and wants to help them navigate life confidently and curiously.

Modeling and Learning by Example in Family Life

The most important NLP principle in dealing with children is: “Learning by Example”. Children do not primarily learn through instructions, but by observing their caregivers. When parents handle challenges calmly, humorously, and empathetically, children unconsciously adopt this attitude. Stefan and Marian emphasize how strongly parents' inner attitudes affect children – whether in how they deal with stress, whether they laugh, show courage, or openly talk about feelings.

Albert Bandura's concept of modeling finds a concrete application here: Children mirror the behavior of the adults they love and admire. This means that parents create a profound emotional foundation through their presence and authenticity. NLP supports this process by helping parents become aware of their own states and consciously embody what they want to convey to their children – such as trust, curiosity, and self-efficacy.

Metaphors and Imaginative Journeys for Overcoming Fear

Many fears in children arise from imagination – and this is where NLP comes in. Through metaphors, stories, and symbolic images fears can be playfully transformed. Marian shares a story about his daughter, who was afraid of mice. Through a made-up story in which she became a little mouse herself, she was able to transform her fear into empathy. This approach utilizes the principle of “reframing”: A situation is placed in a new, helpful meaning framework.

Also called Goodnight Metaphors or imaginative journeys, where children encounter magical protective symbols or encouraging figures, work deeply in the subconscious. NLP offers a wide range of tools – from internal anchors to submodalities to working with inner images. What is crucial is that the child actively participates: It invents the happy ending itself, which strengthens its sense of self-efficacy.

Pacing and Leading with Children

Pacing and Leading is one of the central NLP techniques that can be excellently applied to children. It involves first engaging with the child's world (“pacing”) before gently guiding them in a desired direction (“leading”). For example, if a child is playing loudly or throwing a tantrum, it can help to first mirror the behavior or play along to create resonance. Only then does the guidance towards calmness, cooperation, or a new activity succeed.

Marian tells a vivid story: Instead of pulling his nephew away from the light switch, he began to imitate the rhythm of his movements and then playfully guided him to another action. Children sense when they are taken seriously. NLP leading only works when the pacing is authentic – when one truly enters the child's world.

Activating Resources and Success Experiences

Children experience frustration quickly, especially when learning something new. NLP helps transform these moments into resource experiences . Stefan describes how he helped his son activate his own success experiences from the past through targeted questions: “Do you remember how you learned to shoot with your left foot in soccer?” This way, the child connects the new learning process with already existing skills – a classic NLP technique of resource recall.

Parents can use this daily: through praise, by consciously highlighting small successes, or through anchors that remind of positive experiences. A shared evening ritual, where one asks, “What was nice for you today?”, can become a powerful anchor for gratitude and self-confidence.

Playfully Promoting Learning and Motivation

Learning should be fun – this is one of the core messages of this podcast episode. Stefan shows how mathematics, language, and even programming can come alive through playful methods. With simple examples from everyday life – calculating soccer tables, determining slide angles, or playing dice games – mathematics becomes tangible. NLP utilizes the principle of positive linking: Learning is connected to curiosity, movement, and enthusiasm.

Motivation through Emotion

Children learn more sustainably when emotions are involved. Parents and teachers can emotionally charge learning content by showing enthusiasm and building genuine relationships. A loving connection activates the same neural networks in the child that are responsible for joy and motivation.

Independence and Creative Intelligence

NLP can also help promote self-learning. Children who experience that they can discover things on their own develop a strong self-confidence in their own thinking abilities. Whether in programming, crafting, or inventing stories – the attitude “You can do it yourself” is at the core of true joy in learning.

Communication and Mindfulness in Dealing with Children

Language is power – especially in dealing with children. NLP teaches that formulations direct our perception. Instead of “Don't be so loud,” it helps to say “Speak quietly, I want to listen to you.” Positive, clear, and present-oriented formulations promote cooperation and understanding. Children understand direct, solution-oriented language better than abstract prohibitions.

Nonverbal communication also plays a significant role. As Virginia Satir taught, relationships are built on eye level – literally. When adults kneel down, maintain eye contact, and are truly present, trust is established. NLP promotes this attitude of mindfulness and presence: the conscious perception of one's own emotions and the child's signals. Thus, communication becomes a genuine dialogue, not a monologue from above.

The episode concludes with an encouraging message: Children are natural learners, creative explorers, and emotional beings. When parents and educators apply NLP techniques with heart, they can support children in growing up brave, loving, and full of curiosity – and thus become little masters of communication themselves.