Metaprograms Part 3 – Recognizing Perception Filters and Understanding People Better

In this third episode of the NLP Metaprogram series, Stefan and Marian dive even deeper into the fascinating world of perception psychology one. They present three more metaprograms that help you understand your own perception better – and learn to assess other people more accurately. It’s about Similarity and Difference, Self and Others as well as Internal and External. Three filters that significantly influence how you make decisions, shape relationships, and motivate yourself.

Similarity and Difference – The View on the Familiar and the New

The Metaprogram Similarity vs. Difference describes what you first pay attention to in new situations. Do you see more of what is the same, or do you notice what is different? This seemingly small difference in thinking has a big impact on communication, decisions, and learning processes.

People who strongly focus on similarity look for familiar patterns. They recognize connections, parallels, and repetitions – this gives them security. They like stability, routines, and familiar processes. In contrast, those who focus on differences perceive changes, deviations, and new things more strongly. These people love diversity, constantly discover new perspectives, and quickly find repetition boring.

A humorous example from the podcast: The choice of restaurant. "Similarity people" prefer to go to their regular restaurant, sit at their usual spot, and order their favorite dish from the regular waiter – because they know it’s good. "Difference people," on the other hand, specifically seek the new: a restaurant they have never been to, an exotic dish, a different table, or even a different cultural cuisine. Both approaches are neither right nor wrong – they just show different perception filters.

It gets interesting when two people with different filters meet – for example, in a partnership. One wants to visit the same vacation spot every year ("I know what to expect"), while the other wants to discover something new ("I want to see something completely different"). Misunderstandings arise not because one is right, but because both speak from completely different perception worlds. This is exactly where understanding this metaprogram helps to resolve conflicts empathetically.

Self and Others – Where is your focus?

The second metaprogram concerns Attention and Perception Direction. People with a focus on "Self" direct their attention inward – to their thoughts, feelings, and needs. They are often calm, reflective, and independent of others' judgments. People with a focus on "Others" are empathetic, sensitive to moods and reactions, and strongly perceive what is happening in their environment.

Stefan explains in the podcast that "Self-people" often do not even notice how they affect others. They are so preoccupied with their own thoughts that they hardly register nonverbal signals – such as tears, body language, or emotions. "Other-people," on the other hand, immediately sense when someone is upset, sad, or excited, and automatically adjust. Both have advantages and disadvantages: Self-people are more stable and less influenced in crises, while Other-people build relationships more easily but also resonate more emotionally.

An interesting study that Stefan mentions comes from customer service. An airline found that most complaints were attributed to a few employees – almost all with the metaprogram "Self." After targeted training, which strengthened awareness of others, complaints decreased significantly. The insight: Empathy can be trained when one knows how their own perception focus works.

Here too, it applies: No type is better. In some situations, a focus on others is crucial – for example, in coaching, sales, or leadership. In others, it is advantageous to stay true to oneself and not be overly influenced by external emotions.

Internal and External – Inner and Outer Orientation

The third metaprogram describes, where you take your evaluation criteria from. People with an internal orientation decide according to their own inner standard: They know when something is good or right. People with an external orientation, on the other hand, orient themselves to feedback, authorities, norms, or external sources – they like to seek feedback to feel secure.

An example: An internal person says after a successful presentation: "I know I did well." An external person says: "I hope others liked it." Both strive for success, but in different ways. In sales or coaching, it is crucial to recognize these differences. An internal client prefers to be asked: "How does that feel for you?" An external client reacts more strongly to evaluations, studies, or testimonials.

Marian sums it up in the podcast: "I don’t need a test result – I know what feels right for me." For others, however, it is reassuring to hear that a product performed well in a consumer test or that many customers are enthusiastic. The art lies in recognizing the other person and speaking accordingly – this builds trust and motivation.

Stefan shares a personal anecdote from his school days: His religious papers were rhetorically brilliant but provocative – inspired by Nietzsche and Schopenhauer. The grades were not always good, but for him, something else mattered: the feeling of representing a strong personal opinion. This is typical internal orientation – the inner standard is more important than external praise.

This metaprogram often develops with experience. Beginners in a field are usually external – they need feedback, guidance, correction. With growing competence, more inner security develops. A master knows when their work is good without needing anyone to confirm it. Personal development often means gradually growing from external to internal – learning to trust one’s own inner voice.

Practical Application of the Metaprograms

All three metaprograms – Similarity/Difference, Self/Others and Internal/External – show how diverse human perception is. In practice, you can use them in every conversation to understand people better and communicate more successfully.

If you are a coach or trainer, this knowledge helps you address clients more specifically:

• With similarity people, emphasize continuity, trust, and stability ("As before – just better").
• With difference people, emphasize newness, change, and growth ("A completely new approach").
• With self-people, ensure they develop their own insights – give them space.
• With other-people, ensure exchange, feedback, and emotional resonance.
• With internal people, reinforce their own perception ("Feel what is right for you").
• With external people, provide evidence, tests, opinions, and examples ("Many customers report…").

This creates deeper understanding and communication that meets people where they are.

Conclusion: Recognizing Diversity, Deepening Understanding

This third episode of the metaprogram series clarifies that perception is never objective. Every person sees the world through their own filters – whether they seek similarities or differences, whether they focus on themselves or on others, whether they are oriented inward or outward. Recognizing these differences makes communication livelier, coaching more effective, and relationships more fulfilling.

Closing statement: “Recognize the filters – and you recognize the person.” When you understand how you and others see the world, you can act more flexibly, avoid conflicts, and create true connection. This is the essence of NLP: awareness, freedom of choice, and the art of mastering communication.