Resolving Inner Conflicts with the NLP Format "Negotiating Parts"

Sometimes we want two things at the same time – and both seem important. We want to stay in the relationship while also wanting to separate. We want to go on a world trip, but also keep the secure job. This torn feeling between two inner voices can cost a lot of energy. In this podcast episode with Stefan and Marian, you will learn how to use the NLP format Negotiating Parts to transform inner conflicts and gain new clarity. The trainers show how to reconcile your conflicting parts and thereby regain inner balance and energy.

Recognizing and Understanding Inner Conflicts

Everyone knows situations where two strong forces pull in opposite directions. On one hand, you want change, on the other hand, security. On one hand, you want to unfold, on the other hand, safety. These tension fields arise when different inner parts represent different needs. Often we try to solve them with rational methods like pros and cons lists – but this rarely works in the long term. The result is stagnation, doubt, and loss of energy.

In NLP, it is assumed that these contradictory parts do not want to work against each other, but that both have a positive intention They actually strive for the same goal – just in different ways. When you learn to recognize and appreciate these intentions, a powerful collaboration can emerge from the conflict.

The NLP Format "Negotiating Parts"

The Negotiating Parts is a classic NLP format that helps to bring inner contradictions into harmony. It is based on the idea that different parts of a person can communicate and negotiate with each other – similar to two team members who have different viewpoints. The goal is not to "defeat" one part, but to lead both to a common goal.

The process begins by identifying the two opposing parts. You give them names, perhaps also images: the "Lazy One", who longs for rest, and the "Sporty One", who wants to motivate you to go jogging in the morning. Then you imagine these two parts sitting across from you or lying in your hands – and you begin to engage in a dialogue with them.

Step 1: Contact and Appreciation

Both parts are welcomed and appreciated. Even if one seems to hinder you, it has a good intention. The "Lazy One" may provide rest, while the "Sporty One" stands for vitality and fitness. Through recognition, trust is created, and the inner dialogue can begin.

Step 2: Recognizing Positive Intentions

Now you ask each part what its positive intention is. What does it really want to achieve for you? Perhaps one wants you to rest, and the other wants you to stay healthy – two paths to the same goal. This realization is often the turning point, as both parts recognize that they are on the same side.

The positive intention behind each part

In NLP, the basic assumption is: Behind every behavior is a positive intention. Even seemingly destructive impulses – like self-criticism, withdrawal, or aggression – often serve a protective purpose. For example, when a part says, "I want to destroy you," it usually means: "I want you to finally find peace" or "I want you to stop suffering." By asking targeted questions, you can reach the true motivation – and fulfill this intention in a healthy way.

This attitude of appreciation changes the relationship with yourself. Instead of fighting against inner voices, you begin to see them as helpers. Each part brings resources that can serve you: courage, calm, discipline, intuition. When you bring them together, synergy arises instead of resistance.

Integration through Dialogue and Hypno-Talk

After both parts have been understood, integration follows. Stefan describes two variants: a rational and an unconscious one. In the rational method, the parts negotiate concrete agreements – such as "three times a week of exercise, sleep in on weekends." In the unconscious variant, you use a gentle hypno-talk: You symbolically take both parts in your hands, let them look at each other, and exchange resources. As they give each other light, colors, or energies, the hands slowly begin to come together – until they touch and the parts within you form a new connection.

This coming together often happens quite naturally. Conscious control takes a back seat, and your unconscious finds creative ways to unite the two forces. Sometimes they merge into a new part, sometimes they remain independent but work harmoniously together. The crucial thing is that they no longer act against each other.

Practical examples and application in everyday life

In the trainings of the World of NLP, it repeatedly shows how deeply this format can work. A participant who could not decide between security and adventure suddenly experienced a new perspective after negotiating parts: She could have both – a secure job and adventure in smaller stages. Another participant integrated two seemingly opposing roles: the fighting athlete and the peaceful meditator. From the inner contradiction emerged a new identity – powerful, yet wise.

This format can be applied in any life situation: in decision-making questions, professional dilemmas, relationship problems, or inner stress. Whenever you have two wishes that exclude each other, you can bring them into a dialogue. The goal is not to suppress one part, but to appreciate both and bring them into harmony.

If you want to try the format, you will find live demos, video instructions, and detailed explanations on the World of NLP platform. It is important: Approach with curiosity and compassion. You don’t have to force anything – your unconscious knows the way to your balance. NLP only provides you with the language to learn to speak with yourself again.

Thus, an inner struggle becomes a dialogue – and stagnation gives way to movement. Because true change begins when you learn to bring all your inner voices to the table and work together towards a common goal.