Second Position

Definition

The second position that describes how people structure their motivation. Individuals with this pattern focus on Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) refers to experiencing a situation from the perspective of another person. The client adopts the viewpoint, thoughts, and feelings of the other person to better understand their experiences, motives, and needs. This perceptual position promotes empathy, perspective-taking, and communication skills and is often used in coaching, therapy, and conflict work. By taking the second position, understanding of interpersonal dynamics expands, and a deep empathy for the world of the other emerges.

Origin and Theoretical Background

The idea of Perception positions comes from Richard Bandler composure John Grinder, the founders of NLP. They developed a model with three central positions that allow experiences to be perceived from different perspectives:

First position: Perception from one's own view ("I-perspective").
Second position: Perception from the view of another person ("You-perspective").
Third position: Observation from a distanced, neutral perspective ("Meta-position").

The second position is particularly used to increase the flexibility of perception , develop empathy, and consciously shape interpersonal relationships. It is a central component of many NLP techniques aimed at communication, conflict resolution, and emotional intelligence.

Application Examples

Coaching: A client who has conflicts with a colleague is guided to switch to the second position. They put themselves in that person's role to understand what thoughts, feelings, or needs lie behind their behavior.
Therapy: In couple or family therapy, the second position helps to understand the emotional background of the other person and develop compassion.
Communication Training: Participants practice internally putting themselves in the conversation partner's shoes during a conversation. This improves their ability to actively listen, de-escalate, and engage in respectful dialogue.
Leadership development: Leaders learn to adopt the perspective of their employees to better understand their motivation, concerns, and needs.

Areas of Application

Therapy: Promotion of empathy and understanding in relationships.
Coaching: Development of perceptual flexibility and emotional intelligence.
Leadership & Communication: Improvement of conflict management and team leadership.
Conflict resolution: Understanding the other party as a basis for cooperative solutions.

Methods and Exercises

Role plays: The client is invited to take on the role of the other person – to sit or stand as that person would – and to describe the situation from their perspective.
Substitute perspective: The client imagines they are the other person. They describe what this person sees, hears, and feels, experiencing their thoughts and emotions as authentically as possible.
Conversation management from the second position: During a conversation, the client is encouraged to consciously ask questions that show they are following the perspective of the other person ("How does that feel for you?").
Position change in the room: A standard NLP technique where different positions are physically taken in the room (e.g., Chair A = own position, Chair B = second position). This facilitates perspective change and promotes emotional distance or closeness.

Synonyms or Related Terms

Empathy: Understanding the thoughts and feelings of another person.
Perspective shift: General term for the conscious shift of perspective.
Perception Position: Umbrella term that includes first, second, and third positions.

Structuredness

First position: Own perception and self-reflection.
Third position: Observer perspective for objective consideration of a situation.
Rapport: Building trust and connection through empathetic communication.

Scientific or Practical Benefit

Practical benefits: The second position promotes empathy, conflict competence, and relationship intelligence. It enables better understanding of the reactions and emotions of others, leading to more constructive communication.
Scientific Reference: Psychological research on perspective-taking composure Empathy confirms that consciously adopting the viewpoints of others strengthens social competence and emotional understanding.

Criticism or Limitations

Criticism: With improper application, the client risks identifying too strongly with the other person and losing their own perspective.
Limitations: Consciously taking the second position requires practice and emotional stability to balance empathy and self-differentiation.

Literature and References

Bandler, R., & Grinder, J. (1975). The Structure of Magic I. Science and Behavior Books, Palo Alto.
O'Connor, J., & Seymour, J. (2002). Introducing Neuro-Linguistic Programming: Psychological Skills for Understanding and Influencing People. Red Wheel / Wiser, Newburyport.

Metaphor or Analogy

The second position is like putting on another person's shoes. You walk the same path but feel where it pinches, where the ground is soft, and where it wobbles. Only after you have walked in the other person's steps do you understand why they walk the way they do. This metaphor shows: In the second position, you symbolically step into the experiential world of another. You think, feel, and react for a moment like that person – thereby creating a deeper understanding that enables connection and compassion.