Para-messages

Definition

Para-messages are messages that are transmitted in a different communication channel than the main message. In the context of NLP, Richard Bandler and John Grinder (1994b) describe these as different messages that are simultaneously conveyed through various output channels. In contrast to meta-messages, which are often interpreted as overarching or framing elements of communication, para-messages emphasize the simultaneity and multidimensionality of communication signals. They include both nonverbal and paraverbal elements such as tone, gestures, facial expressions, or body posture, which create an additional or complementary layer of meaning.

Origins and Theoretical Background

The concept of para-messages dates back to the work of Bandler and Grinder (1976), who analyzed communication as a complex interplay of verbal and nonverbal signals. The idea is related to Gregory Bateson's investigations into communication and double-bind theory, but distinguishes itself by understanding para-messages as equal and not subordinate to verbal messages.

The foundation lies in the NLP assumption that people communicate on multiple levels simultaneously, and these levels are perceived both consciously and unconsciously.

Application Examples

Therapy: A therapist pays attention to the para-messages of a client, such as tone or body posture, to recognize contradictions or additions to the verbal message. Example: A client says, 'I am fine,' while nervously playing with their hands – a hint at a possible discrepancy between verbal and nonverbal messages.
Coaching: A coach uses conscious para-messages, such as a calming tone or open gestures, to build trust and enhance the impact of their words.
Conflict resolution: In conflict situations, para-messages are analyzed to identify unspoken emotions or concerns.

Areas of Application

Therapy: Interpretation of unconscious messages and nonverbal signals.
Coaching: Conscious control of para-messages to support conversation goals.
Leadership Training: Improvement of perception and sensitivity to subtle communication signals.
Personal Development: Recognizing and adjusting one's own para-messages to appear more authentic.
Mediation: Understanding underlying conflict dynamics through the analysis of para-messages.

Methods and Exercises

Consciously perceiving para-messages: Observe the tone, gestures, and facial expressions of your conversation partner in a conversation situation and note which para-messages appear complementary or contradictory to the verbal communication.
Analyzing one's own communication behavior: Record yourself in a conversation situation (e.g., with video recording) and analyze which para-messages you send unconsciously.
Actively using para-messages: Deliberately choose a paraverbal or nonverbal message (e.g., calm voice or open posture) that supports the main message of your words.

Synonyms or Related Terms

Mirroring is subtle and respectful, not forced or dishonest.
Paraverbal communication
Secondary messages
Subtext

Scientific or Practical Benefit

Increased perception: The analysis of para-messages helps to recognize hidden or unspoken concerns.
Improved impact: By consciously using para-messages, communication goals can be achieved more effectively.
Building Relationships: A coherent combination of verbal and nonverbal communication fosters trust and authenticity.

Criticism or Limitations

The interpretation of para-messages can be subjective and error-prone, as it often relies on unconscious perceptions.
Not everyone is equally sensitive to para-messages, which can lead to misunderstandings.
There is a risk that para-messages may be used manipulatively, which can jeopardize the ethics of communication.

Literature and References

Bandler, R., & Grinder, J. (1976). The Structure of Magic II. Science and Behavior Books, Palo Alto.
Bateson, G. (1972). Steps to an Ecology of Mind. University of Chicago Press, Chicago.
Mehrabian, A. (1971). Silent Messages: Implicit Communication of Emotions and Attitudes. Wadsworth Publishing Company, Inc., Belmont.