Negotiating Between Parts – Negotiation Reframing

This NLP model is used when two or more parts pursue different paths—for example, when we want to build a career on the one hand, but also spend a lot of time with the family on the other.

NLP Podcast 24: Negotiation Reframing

Procedure of Negotiation Reframing


  1. Find the problem:

    • Identify an inner conflict that fits the description “two souls, alas, dwell in my breast.”
    • Find a state where you feel somehow disturbed or distracted by yourself: “Whenever I want x, y happens.”
    • Or find a situation in which you are incongruent, e.g., “Yes, but…; actually…”; “on the one hand yes, on the other hand no.”
  2. Separate the parts from each other:

    For example, dissociated in the hands: place the “on the one hand” part in the left hand, and the “on the other hand” part in the right hand. Or choose different spots in the room (spatial anchors).
  3. Characterize the parts and find their positive intention:

    • Characterize the parts: e.g., by appearance, sound, feeling, symbol, activity, task, age, etc.
      B to A: “Please describe both parts in sequence in a bit more detail. What do the parts look like?”
    • Obtain consent from the parts for communication and for the process:
      “Are you willing to communicate with me via agreed signals?” “Assuming you could perform your task better after we complete this process, would you then be willing to get in touch with me?”
    • Ask each part in turn about its activity/task and the underlying positive intention: “What is your positive intention for me? What important thing do you do for me?”
  4. Let the parts communicate with each other:

    Both parts exchange their intentions and needs. They may, for instance, use a “translator,” visit each other, make a “phone call,” etc.
  5. Find the higher common intention

    Start with one part and question the initially stated positive intention: “What is that good for…?” In this way you climb to ever higher, more abstract levels, e.g., “So that you stay healthy.” Then switch to the other part and develop its higher intention until you find a shared intention. Such an intention always exists! Sometimes it is as simple as: “So that you are well.” You can keep bringing both parts on board using this intention: “You also want [client’s name] to be well, right? Are you aware that [name of the other part] wants exactly the same?”
  6. Negotiate new behavior:

    Now the two parts can begin to negotiate new behavior and reach an agreement. Ask part Y whether the shared intention is important enough for it to be willing to cooperate with part X.

    Negotiation can proceed in two ways:

    • Option a):
      consciously via the rational mind. Discuss in detail how the future behavior should look, what compromises are possible, who leaves whom alone and when, and what each part grants the other in return, etc. It is sometimes helpful to agree on a trial period. Ask each part whether it truly agrees to do the above for a specific period. If either part becomes dissatisfied for any reason, it should signal the person that there is a need for additional negotiation.
    • Option b):
      unconsciously via a trance. Duplicate and pass resources back and forth: e.g., symbols, colors, abilities, and possibly add resources from outside. Allow mutual forgiveness/reconciliation, etc.
      Integration: let both parts fully merge—e.g., symbolically bring right and left hands together so that a new part is formed from the two old ones.
      Possible hypnotic language: “And to the extent that these two parts come to an inner agreement, your hands can now move toward each other. Sometimes there is a brief standstill in the negotiation… and at the moment when your hands touch, your parts know that the negotiation has been completed at the unconscious level.”
  7. Ecology check:

    Are other parts involved in this? Are there parts that object to these two parts working together in the future? If so, renegotiate.
  8. Future Pace:

    “When will you next be in that situation… How will you behave there? What will happen?”

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