Value Conflicts
Many people experience so-called value conflicts in their lives. They want to advance in their careers, improve their quality of life, engage more socially, and at the same time spend many weeks on vacation, lie in the sun, and have time for other things. This can create value conflicts.
To some extent, these value conflicts are also part of our lives. They make our lives exciting, varied, and thrilling. However, if the conflicts gain the upper hand, we become incongruent, meaning we are not fully committed to our goal, and the inner conflict manifests in our behavior.
Review your list for such value conflicts or potential conflicts. First, write down your most important values and then consider whether any kind of conflicts are present:
1.
2.
3.
etc.
Eliciting a Hierarchy of Conflicting Values
- Identify the part to be changed (behavior, feeling, etc.) and the desired part of the communication partner.
- Find a description from your partner about this part that includes experience and self-reflection.
- Identify the related feelings.
- Have your communication partner find a description of an example for the corresponding part, and pay attention to all recognizable Meta-Programs.
- Ask the person about the related values.
- Take the same steps for the undesired part.
- Have the communication partner select a future situation (family, work, leisure, etc.) and describe the impact of the changing Value on this situation.
Changing Conflicting Values
- Identification of Conflicting Values:
- Identify a hierarchy of personal values in your communication partner that are in conflict with each other, e.g., Morality vs. Happiness, Popularity vs. Comfort, etc.
- Also identify the related conflicting feelings, e.g., Fear vs. Freedom, etc., and the related Meta-Programs, e.g., away from negative vs. towards positive, Difference vs. Similarity, etc.
- Contrast and Transfer the Sub-Modalities:
- Discover the different sub-modalities of the conflicting values and also develop a representation of each value/part in the form of a person, and have your partner visualize this person in each (outstretched) hand.
- Use the sub-modalities of the (undesired) value and transfer them to the (desired) value.
- Check if Meta-Programs, feelings, etc., have already changed.
- Perform a "Visual Squash" (optional):
- Start from the already established visualized persons/values in each outstretched hand, and distinguish between positive intention and behavior.
- What resource does each part/person have available that can support the other to be more effective.
- Create a third part/person that includes the respective resources of the others.
- Visualize this part/person in the middle of the hands between the other two parts.
- Integrate the two conflicting parts/persons into the third person and have the hands come together and, if necessary, integrate into the body of the communication partner.
- Test and Future Pace: Have the conversation partner select a future situation (family, work, leisure, etc.) and describe the impact of the changed value on this situation.
