Self and Self-Esteem
All people strive for the wholeness of their self. Virginia Satir viewed the concept of self systemically. She understood it as a continuous dynamic interplay of various levels. In doing so, she equally considered physical, intrapsychic, spiritual, interpersonal, contextual, and social factors.
By self-esteem, she meant those ideas and feelings that we have developed about ourselves throughout our lives.
She experienced that the majority of human problems are due to a low self-esteem. At the same time, she also found that most people have a very low self-esteem.
Someone with low self-esteem does not value or appreciate themselves and then expects the same from others. They almost expect to be betrayed and deceived. And through this expectation, they bring about their worst fears (self-fulfilling prophecy). To protect themselves, they hide behind a wall of distrust and sink into isolation and loneliness. They find it difficult to see themselves clearly, as they drift further away from themselves and others.
Self-Esteem in Comparison
| Weak Self-Esteem | Strong Self-Esteem |
|---|---|
| I want to be loved. | I am loved by myself and others. |
Coping Patterns: Incongruent
|
Coping Patterns: Congruence
|
| rigid judgmental |
validated empowered confident |
| reactive | able to respond |
| motivated by family rules and 'one should' | aware of choices and responsibility |
|
externally defined defensive suppressing feelings sticking to the familiar |
accepts oneself and others trusting honest accepts feelings, wholeness, and humanity willing to expose oneself to the unfamiliar |
| oriented towards the past; striving to maintain the status quo | oriented towards the present; willing to change |
Our self-esteem seems to depend on how we were treated in our family of origin during the first five to six years of life.
The feedback we received during this time about ourselves and our behavior determines our current feelings towards ourselves and thus our approach to challenges and our ability to communicate.
Thus, parents can significantly influence their child's self-esteem through their communication. The big problem is that most people are not aware of the peculiarities of their communication behavior, and so good intentions of parents can be undermined by inadequate nonverbal behavior.
Such destructive interaction patterns are often passed down from generation to generation. However, Virginia Satir believed that these learned interaction patterns can definitely be unlearned. She was convinced that everyone can increase their self-esteem and recognize and work on their destructive interaction patterns.
