The Four Satir Types (Survival Stances)

Virginia Satir identified four categories of communication—or stances—that people tend to adopt when under stress. Each category is marked by a characteristic posture, specific gestures, accompanying bodily feelings, and a distinct syntax.

Overview of the Four Satir Types

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Communication Style (Role)	Description	Access Cues
The Placater	“I’m happy that I’m even allowed to be here at all.” Use of qualifiers: if, only, just, at all Frequent use of subjunctives: could, would, etc. thought-interference: cognitive disruption	Body posture: slumped, wavering, head held far up, a pleading hand extended forward Voice: whiny, squeaky, constricted
The Blamer	“If you weren’t here, the world would be perfectly fine!” Use of universal quantifiers: all, everyone, never. Implied causality connections:(if/then, because …). Uses negative questions: Why don’t you…? Distortion via asserting causal links.	Body posture: tense, contorted, shallow pressed breathing Voice: loud, shrill, harsh
The Distracter	“Nothing comes to my mind, or—wait, just a second - yesterday I met an actor who didn’t know either…” Random use of all three language patterns above, missing references and links, rapid switching between patterns.	Body posture: uncoordinated movements of head, torso and limbs Voice: agitated, fast, restless
The Computer (Over-Rationalizer)	“Upon calm and objective consideration, one can determine that …” Omission of reference indices, use of nominalizations, and nouns without referential index: it, one, people, etc.; omission of subject/subject reference.	Body posture: motionless, tense, low reactivity Voice: monotonous, dry

1. Placating

Placating is one of the four primary ways we react when we feel our survival is threatened.
When we placate, we disregard our own feelings about worth, hand over our power to someone else, and say yes to everything. A person who tends to placate considers others and the context, yet neglects their own true feelings.

Placating pretends to be pleasing—which most cultures and families value highly.
But placating differs from genuinely trying to bring someone joy. We placate at the expense of our own worth. When we plactate, we disregard our self-esteem and give the other person the impression, that we are not important.

The pacifying reaction

Words

• Agreement:
  • “It’s all my fault.”
  • “I am nothing without you.”
  • “I am only here to make you happy.”

Affect

• Pleading:
  • “I am helpless.”
  • Pleading expression and pleading voice
  • Body posture expresses weakness

Behavior

• Dependent martyr:
  • Too much behavior
  • Apologizing
  • Whining and begging
  • Yielding

Inner Experience

• “I feel like a nothing.”
• “I am worthless.”

Psychological Effects

• Neurotic
• Depressive
• Suicidal

Physiological Effects

• Digestive Disorders
• Stomach Ulcers
• Feelings of Nausea, etc.
• Diabetes
• Migraines
• Constipation

Self-image / Inner Pattern

• Clamp / Self
• Resource: loving, sensitive

The conciliatory person always speaks in a flattering manner; they try to please; they apologize and never disagree with anything, no matter what comes. They are a yes-sayer.

They speak as if they can do nothing for themselves. They always need to find someone who acknowledges them. You will later realize that if you play this role for just five minutes, you will feel nauseous and want to break down. To appear genuinely conciliatory, it helps a lot to give in to the idea that you are worthless.

You can feel happy that you are even allowed to eat. You owe everyone thanks, and you are truly responsible for everything that goes wrong. You know you could have prevented the rain if you had just used your head, but you have none. Of course, you will agree to any criticism about yourself. You are naturally grateful for the fact that someone is even talking to you, no matter what or how they say it. You would never think of demanding anything for yourself. After all, who are you to make demands?

Moreover, if you were just good enough, it would come by itself. Be the stickiest, most suffering, foot-kissing person you can be. Imagine your body kneeling with one leg, a bit wobbly, one hand outstretched in a begging manner, and make sure your head is held high, and you will get a headache in no time. When you speak in this position, your voice will be whiny and squeaky, as you hold your body so hunched that you don't have enough breath for a rich, full voice. You will say "yes" to everything, no matter what you feel or think. This conciliatory figure is the body posture that corresponds to the conciliatory reaction form.

2. Blaming

Blaming is the direct opposite of placating.
The blaming stance is an incongruent reflection of the social rule that we must stand up for ourselves and accept no excuses, inconveniences, or insults from anyone—in short, we must never be “weak.”

To protect ourselves, we attack others or circumstances and assign blame.
When blaming, others don’t count—only we and the context do. People who adopt the blaming stance are often seen as hostile, tyrannical, nagging, or aggressive.

The accusatory reaction

Words

• Disagreeing:
  • “You do nothing right.”
  • “What's wrong with you?”
  • “Everything is your fault!”

Affect

• Accusation:
  • “I am the boss here.”
  • Powerful Body Posture
  • Tension

Behavior

• Attacking:
  • Judging
  • Making Rules
  • Assigning Blame

Inner Experience

• Isolated
• “I am lonely and unsuccessful.”

Psychological Effects

• Paranoid
• Delinquent
• Potentially Dangerous (potential murderer)

Physiological Effects

• Muscle Tension and Back Pain
• Circulatory Problems and High Blood Pressure
• Arthritis
• Constipation
• Asthma

Self-image / Inner Pattern

• Clamp “Others”
• Resource: assertive

The accuser is a "fault-finder," a dictator, a boss. They act arrogantly, and they seem to say: "If you weren't here, everything would be fine." Internally, the muscles and organs feel tense. Blood pressure rises. The voice is harsh, firm, often shrill and loud. Convincing "accusations" require you to be as loud and tyrannical as you can. Tear apart everything and everyone.

To appear accusatory, it helps to imagine that you have a finger pointed in accusation, and to start sentences with: "You never do that," or "You always do that," or "Why do you always do that?", "Why do you never do that?" and so on. Don't care about the answers. That's unimportant.

The accuser is more concerned with asserting their importance than actually finding out anything. Whether you know it or not, when you accuse, you breathe in small, tight gasps or hold your breath completely because your throat muscles are so tense. Have you ever seen a truly top-notch accuser, whose eyes bulged, throat muscles and nostrils flared, who turned red and whose voice sounded like someone shoveling coal?

Imagine yourself with one hand on your hip, the other arm extended with a straight index finger. Your face is contorted, your lips curled, your nostrils vibrating as you shout insults and criticize everything under the sun. You also truly believe that you are worthless. When you find someone who obeys you, you feel like you at least mean something.

3. Distracting (Irrelevant responding)

The fourth survival stance is the irrelevant response, often confused with being entertaining or the class clown. It is the counterpart to the over-rational stance. When people act irrelevantly, they are constantly in motion.

It’s an attempt to distract others’ attention from the real issue at hand.

The distracter generates endless ideas and wants to do countless things at once.

Self, others, and context don’t matter when someone is in the distracter stance. …

The irrelevant reaction

Words

• Without relationship:
  • make no sense, do not relate to the topic
  • constantly verbally run off the field

Affect

• Confusing:
  • "I am not really here."
  • Facial features and constantly in motion
  • twisted and unstable body posture

Behavior

• Distracting:
  • inappropriate behavior
  • hyperactive
  • disruptive

Inner Experience

• "No one cares about me."
• "There is no place for me."
• off-balance to be noticed

Psychological Effects

• Confused
• Inappropriate
• Psychotic

Physiological Effects

• Stressed central nervous system
• Stomach disturbances, feelings of nausea, etc.
• Diabetes
• Migraines
• Constipation

Self-image / Inner Pattern

• Neither "Self" nor "Others" nor "Context" count
• Resource: fun, spontaneous, creative

Whatever the distractor says or does, it has no relation to what anyone else says or does. They never respond directly to a question. Internally, they feel dizzy or blurry. The voice can be sing-song and often does not match the words; it can move up and down without cause because it is directed at nothing.

When you play this distracting role, it will help to imagine that you have a crooked head that is constantly spinning, so you don't know where you are going and don't notice when you arrive. You are too busy moving your mouth, eyes, arms, and legs. Make sure you never use targeted words. Ignore everyone's questions, possibly respond with your own question on a completely different topic. Pull an imaginary thread from someone's clothing, untie shoelaces, and so on.

Imagine your body as if it is pointing in different directions at the same time. Make exaggerated X-legs by bringing your knees together. This will push your buttocks back and help curve your back as well as bring your arms and legs in different directions. At first, this role seems to relieve you, but after a few minutes of play, the terrible feelings of loneliness and purposelessness become apparent. If you move quickly enough, you won't notice it as much.

Take the four physical postures for your own practice. Hold for 60 seconds and notice what happens to you.

4. Rationalizing

The over-rational communication pattern neglects both self and other.
Over-rational means acting only according to context—mostly on the level of information and logic. To embody this stance, stand upright and rigid, arms at your sides or symmetrically folded, and you’ll soon feel the rigidity.

Feet close together; face expressionless. When someone speaks to us, we lecture at length, seemingly wise and dignified. …

The overly rational reaction

Words

• Extreme objectivity:
  • Reference to rules and the "right" things
  • Abstract talking and long explanations
  • "Everything must be academic."
  • "One must be intelligent."

Affect

• Calm, aloof:
  • "One must be cool, composed, and collected – at any cost."
  • Rigid body posture
  • Expression of superiority
  • Feelings are, if at all, hardly recognizable

Behavior

• Authoritarian:
  • Rigid orientation to principles
  • Rationalist action
  • Manipulative
  • Compulsive

Inner Experience

• "I feel worthless and isolated."
• "I can't show any feelings."

Psychological Effects

• Obsessive-compulsive
• Sociopathic
• Socially withdrawn
• Catatonic

Physiological Effects

• Dehydration diseases
• Impairment of secretion (e.g., lymph nodes, glands)
• Cancer
• Mononucleosis
• Heart attack
• Headaches

Self-image / Inner Pattern

• Bracket "Self and Others"
• Resource: intellect

The rationalizer is very correct and very reasonable, without showing any semblance of feeling. He is calm, cool, and collected. He could be compared to a computer or a reference book. The body feels dry, often cool and detached. The voice is dry and monotonous; the words sound slightly abstract.

If you want to be rationalizing, use the longest words possible, even if you are not sure of their meaning. This way, you will at least sound intelligent. After a paragraph, no one will be listening anyway.

To get yourself into the mood of this role, imagine your spine is a long, heavy rod extending from your backside to your neck, and you have a 30 cm wide iron collar around your neck. Keep everything about you as motionless as possible, including your mouth. It will be hard for you to keep your hands still, but try. When you rationalize, your voice will gradually die out, as you have no feeling from the skull down. Your brain is constantly straining to ensure nothing moves about you, and you are busy choosing the right words. Ultimately, you must never make a mistake.

The sad thing about this role is that it seems to represent an ideal for many people. "Speak the right words: show no feeling, do not react."