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Negotiating between the Parts – Negotiation Reframing

This NLP model is used when two or more parts are following different paths, e.g., if on the one hand we want to pursue a career, but on the other hand, we also want to spend a lot of time with our family.

Procedure – Negotiation Reframing

  1. Find the problem:
    • Find the inner conflict to which the quote, “two souls live in my breast” could apply
    • Find the condition in which you feel as if you are disturbing or distracting yourself: “Whenever I want (to do) X, Y happens.”
    • Or find a situation in which you are incongruent, e.g., “Yes, but…;” “Actually…;” “On the one hand, yes, on the other hand, no.”
  2. Separate the parts from each other:

    E.g., disassociate them – place them apart in each hand: the part that stands for “on the one hand” in the left hand, the part for “on the other hand” in the right hand. Or find different areas in a room (room anchors).
  3. Characterize the parts and find their positive intents:

    • Describe the parts: e.g., appearance, sound, feeling, symbol, activity, task, age, etc. B to A: "Please describe the two parts in more detail, one after the other. What do the parts look like?"
    • Get consent from the parts for communicating and for the process:
      "Are you ready to communicate with me using the signals we’ve agreed?" "Assuming you could do your job better after going through this process, would you be willing to communicate with me?" Etc.
    • Question the activity / task and the positive intention behind it from both parts, one after the other:
      "What is your positive intention for me? What important things do you do for me?”
  4. Let the parts communicate with each other:

    The two parts share their intentions and needs. For this they can, e.g., use an interpreter, visit each other, make phone calls or similar.
  5. Finding the higher, mutual intention

    Begin with one part and question the original positive intention: "What is that good for ...?" In this way, you intentionally climb higher and higher to a much more abstract level, e.g., "So that you remain healthy". Then you go over to the other part and discover its higher intention, until you find a common intention. This intention always exists! Sometimes the intention is simple: "To make you feel good." Then you can always bring the two parts with this intention into the same boat: "You also want [name of the client] to do well? Right? Are you aware that the [name of the other part] wants exactly the same thing?"
  6. Negotiating the new behavior:

    Now, the two parts can begin to negotiate a new behavior and make an agreement. Ask Part Y if the common intent is important enough for it, so that it is willing to work with Part X.

    The negotiation can be conducted in two ways:
    • Possibility a):
      consciously using reason: : Different possibilities are discussed in detail as to how the future behavior should look like, which possibilities for compromise exist, who leaves whom in peace and when, and what one part does for others as reward, etc. Sometimes it makes sense to arrange a probationary period. Ask each part if it actually agrees to do the above for a specific period of time. If for any reason one of the parts becomes dissatisfied, he should signal to the person concerned that there is a need for additional negotiation.
    • Possibility b):
      subconsciously using trance: Duplicate resources and pass them on, mutually allocate resources to one another: e.g., symbols, colors, abilities, etc., Possibly incorporate resources from the outside as well. Forgive each other / reconcile with each other, etc.
      Integration: Allow both parts to merge completely: e.g., symbolically combine the right and the left hand - a new part arises from the two old ones. Possibility: Hypnotalk:"And as the two parts come to an agreement internally, the two hands can now move towards each other. Sometimes the negotiation comes to a brief halt ... and the moment the two hands meet, your parts know that the negotiation is completed on the subconscious level."
  7. Ecology Check:

    Are any other parts involved? Are there other parts that object to these two parts working together in the future? If so, renegotiate.
  8. Future Pace:

    "When will you get into the situation again, in which .... How will you behave in that situation? What will happen?"